THIS BLOG HAS MOVED
I've changed sites. This Blog is still called Random Thoughts of a Virgo, but it's now on Wordpress. I'll be posting there from now on. Link to new Blog site below.
Wednesday, February 24, 2016
Sunday, February 14, 2016
Sample Sunday- The Ex Factor from The Ex Chronicles Anthology
Taye rolled his eyes. “The kids are fine.”
“Uh oh…I know that look. What’s wrong, trouble on paradise island?”
They found a bench and sat down to rest for a minute.
“I’m trying, Brie; I really am. But, she just keeps pushing me. You know I just got her a new car not too long ago, right?”
“Yeah, you mentioned that the last time we talked.”
“Well, she had the nerve to tell me tonight that she wants another car…just because her best friend got another one. I try not to call her the b-word, but that’s exactly what she acts like- a spoiled, lazy, entitled… b-word.”
Brie laughed. “That’s what you get for picking up chicks in the club. You’re having second thoughts about taking that big booty in the tight dress home now, huh?”
“Are you trying to make me feel better? Because it’s not helping,” Taye said with a pout.
“Aww…I’m sorry. Actually, I’m not; but I’ll keep my thoughts and opinions about Michelle to myself.”
Brie had never liked Michelle, nor did she think she was the right woman for Taye, and she’d told him that…right up until the day he married her; but he’d told her he wanted to make an honest woman of Michelle since she had his babies, a decision he was now regretting, obviously.
“Hey, remember that pact we made back in high school?” Brie asked him as she stuffed the last of her pretzel in her mouth and washed it down with some ice cold lemonade.
Taye laughed. “Yep, I remember it. We said if we weren’t married by the time we both turned thirty, we were marrying each other. I also remember that was the night you took my virginity.”
“Hold up, I didn’t take it…you gave it to me. You were a horny fifteen year old, and you couldn’t wait to get some, because all your friends were already doing it. Anyway, you’re married now, so…” she let her words linger.
“Yeah…but if things don’t change, I won’t be for long.”
My Cheapskate Valentine
So, there's a hashtag trending on Twitter #ReasonWhyIDoNotHaveAValentine
(that's a long hashtag, forreal) Anyhoo, here's why I, along with millions of other single people, don't have a Valentine today...nor am I sad about it.
Two years ago, I was making Valentine's Day plans for my now ex-husband and I (because Lord knows he never took initiative to plan anything). We got divorced in November (we would have been married for 5 years this March however, we started dating in 2007)...nearly 10 years together in total. Naturally, when you've been together for a long time, the romance can get kind of stale over time... everything becomes almost routine and if you don't work to spice things up, you'll get bored doing the same old thing year after year. That's what we'd come to in our marriage- routine and boring. Every year for Valentine's Day, I got the same box of candy, a card, some wilted flowers from Walmart, and a balloon...all in the Walmart shopping bag...with the receipt still in the bag. He could never be bothered to even put the gifts in a gift bag, and everybody knows that it's tacky to leave receipts in the bag to show what you spent, unless it for baby/wedding showers, or something like that.
Anyway, I'd gotten really tired of conjuring up the same, "Aww, babe...you shouldn't have" face that I gave him every year after he gave me the same old gifts. He's the kind of man you have to tell him specifically what to get you, or he won't deviate from the basic flowers, candy, and card. So, I'd told him that instead of getting me those same things, I wold love some cupcakes (I'm a serious cupcake addict...like forreal, I need therapy) and chocolate covered strawberries. Also, because dinner and a movie had been way overdone in the time we'd been together, I suggested we do something different, like take a couples painting class. That was also the weekend that Fifty Shades Of Grey had come out, so we were going to see that. Now, being that we were married, it was normal for us to split the costs of dates. Since I had the money at the time I'd suggested the painting class, I went ahead and reserved our two seats ($35.00 each) because there were only four more spots left, and I really wanted us to go. Also, because Fifty Shades of Grey was opening on Valentines Day, I didn't want to take a chance and not be able to get tickets when we got to the theater, so I went online to Fandango.com and also purchased our movie tickets ahead of time.
We were set...all we had to do was wait til' Valentines Day, and go. Because I'd already paid for the painting class and movie, I didn't think my ex would have a problem paying for our 2 for $20.00 meal at Chili's, in addition to paying for my cupcakes and strawberries. WRONG! First, he seriously acted like he didn't even want to go out when we were getting ready to leave. We get to the bakery, and he fishes a twenty dollar bill from his wallet and flings it in my direction like, "Go get your own cupcakes." I was like, "Since it is a gift, can't you at least go inside and get them and bring them to me?" He huffed like he had an attitude, but went inside to pick up my treats. I just remember that whatever was going on, he had a serious attitude that day. Maybe his side-chick was getting on his nerves...who knows. So, he gets back in the car, hands me the boxes, and says, "Man, that stuff was high as hell. You're paying for dinner." I gave him a long, hard look when he said that, because I knew I'd only ordered a half dozen cupcakes and strawberries, and it couldn't have cost that much. On the other hand, regardless of what it costs, I was his wife...why the hell is he complaining about buying me something? It was freaking cupcakes, yet he was acting like he'd just paid the cost of a new car. I really felt myself getting upset and I was trying not to cry, because I couldn't understand what his bad attitude was about and why he was being such an asshole. In true fashion, he left the receipt stuck in between the two boxes, so when I pulled it out and saw that the total cost of both the cupcakes and strawberries was $22.00 and some change, I seriously wanted to go off. He was complaining about spending $22.00? REALLY??? After I'd already spent $70.00 on painting class tickets, plus another $20.00 on movie tickets? I'd always known he was a cheapskate, but that just did it for me. I was so upset, I didn't even really want the cupcakes after that (I'm lying, I still ate them.) In addition to his lying, creeping around, and just being a jerk in general, if I'm not worth $22.00, I was clearly married to the wrong guy. Did I mention he's my EX-husband????
Friday, February 12, 2016
The Ex Chronicles Available for Pre-Order
Exes...the majority of us have one (or several). Maybe you still carry a torch for your ex, maybe you wouldn't throw water on your ex if they were on fire in front of you, or maybe you feel indifferent towards your ex, altogether. Regardless of how we feel about our exes, there comes a time when our past makes an entrance into our present lives. It's often been said that when your past comes calling, don't answer because it has nothing new to say. But sometimes, reconnecting with an ex is too tempting to resist.
In #TheExChronicles Anthology, twenty authors have come together to bring readers riveting, funny, dramatic, thought-provoking, and heart-warming short stories all about exes- breaking up, making up, or finally letting go. The Ex Chronicles is available for Pre-Order on amazon.com. Synopsis and purchase link is listed below.
Synopsis:
In The Ex Chronicles, twenty talented writers share stories about relationships that falter…among spouses, lovers, family, and friends. From Penelope Christian’s story of a woman who goes to great lengths to save her “perfect” life…..to LaKesa Cox’s story of a woman finding the strength to finally let go after forty years of marriage……to Dwon Johnson’s heartbreaking tale of losing the one you love. . . to Yvette Danielle's unexpected twist on judging a man by his shoes. . .these stories will make you laugh, cry, and root for the exes in these chronicles.
Each riveting story reflects on broken bonds, bruised hearts, and open wounds - proving that all is fair in the battle of the exes.
Click link to buy your copy
Wednesday, January 27, 2016
J.L. Sapphire's Ex Chronicles- Part 2
So, I was a single mom, trying to make it. I met this guy one day in a video rental store. He seemed really nice. We got to talking about some video, he was trying to convince me to watch it, but I wasn't sure it would be good. He ended up paying for it himself and said 'if I didn't like the movie, it wouldn't be my money wasted.' I thought that was really nice. Turns out, my neighbor and homegirl knew the guy well, and she decided to play matchmaker. I knew physically, he wasn't my type. He was short and shaped like Carl Winslow on the Steve Urkel Show. I'd been used to dating college type guys around my age. I told myself maybe I needed to change my dating habits, because look where I was- a single mother who'd had to drop out of college for a while to care for my child. So, we started talking. I tried to tell myself that even though I really wasn't feeling him like that, maybe I'd learn to love him later on. Later never came. I cared for him, but I never was in love with him, nor did I see him as my soulmate, or the man I would marry. My grandma would tell me, "You better stay with that man..he takes care of you and your baby." "Yeah, but I can take care of myself," was my response. And I could. I've had a job ever since I was 16, and I've always been very independent. so I didn't need him for that, nor could I make myself love a man...either it came naturally or I didn't want to waste my time anymore.
So, I began telling him that since I'd gotten enrolled back in college, I wouldn't have time for dating and maybe we could be friends. Either he didn't take me serious or he didn't care what I'd said. I would drop little hints in conversation about not wanting to be in a serious relationship. Nothing. I was around 22 or 23 then, and my friends and I began going to nightclubs nearly every weekend. I'd go out and leave him at the house...maybe he'd get tired of me doing that and leave. He didn't. Whenever I wasn't at school or work, I was out with my friends, never spending time with him anymore. Surely that would give him the hint. He stayed put. Finally, I wrote him a nice and sweet 'Dear John' letter and left it on his work clothes so he'd see it the next morning. He saw it and told me he would move his things out when he got off. YES! Finally, he got it. Only, after he'd gotten off work and was moving his things, my son (then a toddler) asked him where he was going. His response, "Your mama is putting me out. She don't want me no more." I swear my son looked at me like I was the devil. "Why mommy?" Damn! Playing off of my son, the ex says something like, "Can't we work this out?" Between his puppy dog eyes and my son looking like I'd betrayed him, I said, "Fine. You can stay." I was ambushed, I tell ya.
Even though I told him he could stay, I made it clear my feelings were the same...I still wasn't feeling him like that. I still went out with my girls every weekend, I definitely didn't give him any, and I'd seen my first love at the club one night, and we messed around a few times. I've always kept diaries and journals, so I wrote about one of my escapades with my first love in my journal. As time went on, I began thinking that my ex was snooping through my things when I wasn't home, so I tore the pages I'd written out of my journal, ripped them into itty bitty pieces, and threw it in the trashcan in my room. I would come to find out about later on that not only had he been snooping through my things, he'd gone through my trash and come across the torn up pieces of the dairy..where I'd talked about my sexual fling. He actually taped the pieces back together and kept it for six months. He'd known the entire time that I'd cheated, and didn't say anything. He showed up at my house one day after we were finally over, asking me if I'd ever cheated on him. "What does it matter if I did or not; we're not together anymore," was my answer. Then, he pulls the torn up and taped up pages of my journal out of his pocket. I recognized the little flower that was on the top of each page. No he didn't, I thought. Oh, yes he did. I snatched it from his hands and read my own explicit words of my indiscretion. "You went through my trash and read my journal?" I yelled. He stood there all smug. "Yes, I did." "So what the hell you come over here asking me for if you already knew?" He really pissed me off, more than anything. No way in hell can I be silent for seven months if I have proof my man is cheating.
Okay, so he knew. Whatever. I let him keep the journal pages as a souvenir....I mean, I didn't want it. He wasn't done yet. This fool drove over to my grandma's house, and read to her what I'd written. My phone rang and my baby sister was on the other end talking about, "Ooohhh Joycie," (her name for me) "Girl, this dude is over here at granny house crying, talking about you cheated on him with (first love) and he's reading her some piece of paper...oooh girl...you did that?" I really couldn't believe he went there. Mama told me I would regret letting that good man go, but it's about 15 years later, and I haven't regretted letting his crazy ass go yet. I wonder if he's still holding on to the pages of my journal that he dug through my trash to get. Good riddance.
Monday, January 25, 2016
The Ex Chronicles of J.L. Sapphire #1
So, in anticipation of the book, which will be available for pre-order on February 12th and available wherever books are sold on March 8th, I've decided to share some of my ex chronicles...the good, the horribly bad, and the ugly truths I've learned from them. I think I'll start with my most recent..my divorce- which was finalized this past November.
I met my ex husband back in 2007, completely by accident. I had just recently gotten out of a very bad abusive relationship (I'll write about that one later) and after nearly being strangled to death by the man who claimed to love me so much, I'd decided that maybe I needed to take some time away from the dating scene and just be single for a while. When I was younger, I was that girl who immediately went climbing the rungs of the ladder to the next man as soon as I broke it off with another guy. I had the notion that I couldn't be single (society talks so bad about single women) and maybe even a part of me wanted to make the guy jealous by seeing me with another man. But fighting for my life in that bedroom that day had me not thinking about a man for a good eight months. I had never been so happy to be single and FREE, and not have to answer to anybody in my life.
My baby sister was staying with me for a while, and she worked at a fast food restaurant. It was the middle of summer in Arkansas, and if you've never endured a summer in the south...thank your lucky stars, because it was HOT. We only lived a few blocks from where she worked, but because the air had decided to go out in my car, I was sweating like crazy; so I told her to go inside and bring me a cold glass of ice water. When she came back, she says, "This boy standing in the drive-thru window wants you to back up so he can talk to you." I gave her that look, that clearly said, "Girl, I ain't hardly checking for a man who works at KFC," not because of where he worked, but because I'd been in there before and none of the male workers seemed to be my type. But I thought, "What the hell." I put the car in reverse and backed up to the window. He says, "Oh, I just wanted to see what you looked like." What the hell kind of pick up line is that? What you mean, what I look like? Boy, bye. I left. A few hours later, my sister texts me- Do you want me to give this boy your number? Lord only knows why I texted back- I don't care. His pick up line was corny as hell, but he wasn't bad looking and although I was enjoying my newfound freedom, some of those hot summer nights got a little lonely. And so it began.
He texted (not called) me two nights later and the first thing he sent was- Hey chick! I got him straight real fast by telling him I don't like to be referred to as a chick. He called me Lady all the way up until we would divorce in 2015. I should have known that when he'd told me he was just getting out of a five year relationship to keep right on moving. I will say, he was charming in the beginning. But, I noticed that his "ex" kept popping up everywhere. I would later find out he was still driving her to and from work because she didn't have a car. I made it clear to him that I wasn't about to play side-chick and if he was still dealing with her, to let me know. He insisted he wasn't. He was still insisting that he wasn't still seeing her when she jumped (yes jumped) me in the parking lot of his job a few months later when I went to pick him up from work, because he'd gotten a D.U.I. and his license were suspended (another red flag that I ignored) I could literally fill an entire novella with the many wild and crazy things that occurred during my time with him, like how another one of his exes decided to show up at his family's church (his grandparents are pastor and first lady and every other member of his family plays some role in the church) to introduce herself to his mom...and to be messy by having her twenty-something year old daughter keep turning around (they were in the pew in front of us) to whisper things to him in his ear during the church service. When I'd had enough of the blatant disrespect (he actually kept engaging her in conversation as if I wasn't sitting there) I leaned forward and whispered so they could both hear me, "Why don't you move up there and talk to her so she can turn her ass around and face the front, because the church service ain't back here." She turned around and didn't turn back around anymore. I side-eyed him so hard, he knew I was mad. I had to say a silent prayer, "Lord, forgive me for cussing up in Your house, but she had it coming." It really took an act of Jesus for me to keep my cool that day in that church house.
In spite of all the red flags that I'd seen, I still married him when he finally asked me to...FOUR YEARS LATER, and this was after he'd asked me to marry him once before, then called it off a month prior to the wedding, because he claimed he had too many bills...as if he didn't have those bills when he'd initially asked me. The embarrassment I felt having to return the wedding items I'd bought wasn't nearly as embarrassing as calling my mama and telling her the wedding was off. "Aw, girl, he just got cold feet," she'd told me. "No, he's for real, he doesn't want to marry me now, all of a sudden." Evidently, he had a change of heart, because months later, he would mumble off what sounded like another proposal on Valentine's Day (he didn't get down on one knee and proposed with a CZ ring, that wasn't even an engagement ring) I was like, "Whatever!" I didn't allow myself to get excited, because I was expecting him to change his mind...again.
I stayed married to him for four and a half years. I won't say he's a really bad man, he's just not the man I wanted to keep pretending to be happily married to anymore. My parents were married for over 30 years..that's the kind of marriage I wanted. I did't want to be another statistic- divorced less than five years of marriage. I'd let him get away with his mediocre treatment of me, so he never really tried to make me feel special as his wife. Sure, he did nice things here and there, told me he loved me often, but his actions often said otherwise. I realized that low self-esteem, not knowing my worth, and simply being embarrassed is why I stayed with him for so many years. With all the drama that I'd dealt with from his six (6) exes in the four years prior to us getting married- the confrontation, cheating accusations- I felt like I'd better marry him and stay with him, or else I went through all of that mess for absolutely nothing. On Facebook, I hyped our marriage up like we were running neck and neck with President Obama and First Lady Michelle, in the romance department. I had to...just in case one of his many "exes" was lurking in the background, trying to see what we were up to. I wanted to make sure I gave them plenty to look at and a reason to dislike me. So, I made him seem like the world's greatest husband, all the while knowing I was living a lie and was nowhere near as happy as I seemed to be. I seemed to be going backwards (letting another man run over me) and we weren't moving forward.
Over the last year and a half or so, he'd started becoming really distant, staying gone a lot (and not at work). The time we used to spend together dwindled down to birthday's and anniversaries. Sex...there was none. He was showing all the tell-tale signs of a man who was cheating. I've been down that road many times before, and all men act the same when they're creeping. It got to a point where I found myself wanting to check his phone (when he forgot to take it in the bathroom with him when he took a shower like he'd started doing) My gut intuition was giving off strong vibes that he was layin' it low, and spreadin' it wide (in the words of Tamar Braxton's mom, Evelyn). I got tired of pretending to be happy; tired of turning my head the other way, pretending not to notice that it took him 3 hours to go to Walmart, when it's only two minutes from our home. It was clear that he wanted to be free, and I wasn't willing to waste anymore of my time either, so I told him we could split the cost of filing the divorce papers. Rather than say, "What you mean, divorce papers?" his response was, "No that's okay; I'll pay for it." Oh okay, since he was so willing, I let him go right ahead. We had the fastest separation and divorce I've ever seen. I told him to file the papers in September- two weeks after my 37th birthday- and by November 18th, I was officially divorced. And I haven't regretted it, not one day since. I felt like a weight was lifted off of my shoulders, because deep down, I know I should have never ever dated him past the first month or so back when I met him in 2007..let alone married him.
While I'm looking for a new place to live, I'm still in the same house with him. I don't hate him, but I don't love him (like that) anymore either. I am happily single, and for the first time ever, I'm not looking to replace him with another man any time in the near future. I's free now and I love it. Growth had made me see that there's absolutely nothing wrong with being single if you're not being treated the way you want and deserve to be treated. I settled because I thought I couldn't get better. Settling has caused me to waste nine years of my life that I can't get back. Ain't nobody got time for that.
Tuesday, January 19, 2016
Teaser Tuesday: Sweet Taboo
I'm excited that my latest book, Sweet Taboo is now available for preorder on Kindle. Release date is January 29th, but in the meantime, enjoy this teaser from the book:
“Yeah man, that’s how these black females get down, these days. All these brothers walking around here, and they running around fucking the white man every chance they get. Stupid bitches…these white men don’t really even want their asses; they just like that slave master, slave girl mind control shit…you feel me? Our ancestors got raped by white men repeatedly; some got pregnant by them against their will. It makes me sick to see this hoe standing here all happy and proud cause she’s with this blue-eyed devil.”
-Sweet Taboo by J.L, Sapphire available January 29, 2016
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