Book Review: Life After by Keith Thomas Walker

I came across this book on another author's page. It was free on Amazon at the time that I 1 clicked it, but as good as it was, I would have gladly paid any amount. 

Synopsis: 

Donna’s marriage seems perfect. An unexpected event sends her reeling - even more so when a pregnant mistress steps forward. Marcel survives a divorce, but there’s no solace when he loses his only child. Love has caused Donna and Marcel nothing but pain, but it may be the only thing powerful enough to heal their broken hearts.

Review: 

This is my first book by Keith Thomas Walker, but not my last. He's gained a new fan. This story was very well-written. Keith definitely has a way with words. Nolan- smdh...I hate what happened to him, but he brought that on himself. Sometimes it's best to appreciate what you got at home. Donna handled that situation the best way she could, especially while trying to raise her teenage son, who thought the world of his father. Character development was great...I loved and could relate to each of the characters. Donna and her friends sound like fun. My heart went out to Marcel, after all he'd gone through, but I'm so glad he got himself some help, and everything worked out between him and Donna. Those love scenes...I had to fan myself while reading them. They were very well-written and sensual. Great job.

Rating: 

Celebrating Halloween: Harmless fun or glorifying evil?

I was watching Wendy Williams the other day, and she said something about how she doesn't like to celebrate Halloween, because she believes it's an evil day for all the crazies to wreck havoc all over the world, but she was going to dress up, anyway. 

For many, Halloween (a*k*a* The Day Of The dead) is a fun, festive holiday, where people get to dress up in costumes, and pretend to be their favorite pop culture characters, such as witches, zombies, and vampires. Kids are excited about trick-or-treating and eating candy, while adults like to get out the horror movies, and get a little spooked while watching them. It's all in good fun, right? Or is it?

Many people, especially Christians, view Halloween as the Devil's holiday... a night where evil takes over the world, and anybody celebrating this holiday- 'the day that the Celts believed was a transition between the seasons, and a bridge to the world of the dead'- is glorifying the devil and his evil ways. Me, personally, I like the silliness of it all- the cute, sometimes corny costumes, giving out candy to the kids, eating caramel apples, being a little jumpy while watching scary movies and sipping on hot chocolate. 

What's your take on it? Do you view Halloween as fun and harmless, or as an evil day that should be done away with for good? 

My Top 10 Favorite Scary Movies

Halloween is fast approaching. I love this time of the year, and even though I'm a big, old, scaredy-cat, I love snuggling up with my blanket, some snacks, and watching my favorite horror movies. So, I've decided to compose a list of those movies that always cause me to jump at things that go bump in the night, as well as some that make me laugh more than be scared of them. Maybe you'll see a few of your faves. 

1. The original Halloween, not that crappy, poor excuse for a remake, by Rob Zombie. This movie is a classic. The little boy kills his sister, is sent away to the crazy house, escapes fifteen years later, and walks around, stalking the people of Haddonfield, while his psychiatrist stalks him. Michael never says anything, he just does that creepy breathing through his even creepier mask. There had been many nights where I've closed my eyes to go to sleep, only to pop them back open, after an image of Mike standing over me invaded my thoughts.

2. The three witches who prey on little children, so they can maintain their youth...it's cute and funny, and family-friendly. And we get to see Sarah-Jessica Parker playing someone other than the delusional, Carrie Bradshaw.

3. Self-explanatory. I mean, who over the age of 35 doesn't like Charlie Brown, Snoopy, and the Peanuts gang? Linus foregoes trick-or-treating, and instead decides to wait for the Great Pumpkin to come, despite the ridicule from the others. 

4. Brandon Lee as Eric, and his fiancee are murdered the night before his wedding. He later rises from the grave, takes on the gothic persona of a crow (a super-natural avenger) and gets his revenge on all the thugs responsible for ending their lives. The fact that Brandon Lee was accidentally killed on set while filming the movie, only adds to the spookiness and darkness of the film, as they were still filming the movie, so special effects had to be used to finish the scenes that weren't completed. 

5. Eddie Murphy as a vampire can only mean one thing- hilarious. Max, Eddie's character, heads to New York to find a mate, which leads him to Angela Bassett (Rita), a police detective with lots of mental issues. In true Eddie Murphy fashion, he plays multiple characters. Besides Max, the vampire, he's also the blunt, Preacher Pauly, and another minor character, Guido, a mob-type idiot, all in an attempt to get close to Rita. This movies is far more funny than it is scary, but one of my favorites to go to when I want to watch a scary movie, but I'm not in the mood for all the gore and creepiness.

6. Michael Jackson's 13 minute-long video is like watching a short film. Michael and his girl go to the movies, she gets scared and wants to leave, so they do. You've seen the video. It's a classic, and the choreography Michael (after he turns into a zombie) and the other un-dead characters- who have risen from their graves- do in the middle of the street, while Michael's date watches in fear, is and always will be some of the best dancing ever. RIP Michael Jackson.

 7. Throwback to the 90's. This was one of those classic slasher movies. I can do without all of the crappy sequels that came after Scream 2, and the horrible remakes, which my daughter loves. Give me Neve Campbell kicking butt in the original, please. The killers creepy voice in the beginning, asking her, "What's your favorite scary movie," still resonates in my mind, and the mask- along with Michael Myer's mask- has cost me many nights of peaceful sleep.

8. "Barbara, they're coming to get you, Barbara."  Seems like Johnny got got, first. In a refreshing twist from the usual formula in horror movies, the black guy doesn't die first. He tries to control the zombie situation the best he can, while also trying to keep the rest of the people in the house they're trapped in, alive. After enduring the night from hell, it's not the zombies that kill him, but rather a trigger-happy cop, who saw movement, so he shot first, without bothering to find out if the guy was innocent. Sounds sadly familiar...as this still happens today.

9. Anthony Perkins as Norman Bates will never not be scary to me. I really don't care for the remake, with Vince Vaughn as Norman...he just never wowed me. But Anthony, he was Norman, personified. Beneath his seemingly good guy persona, Norman (who wouldn't hurt a fly) had some serious mental issues. His mother had verbally abused him, to the point of him killing her. After digging her body up from the grave and keeping her hidden in his house, he lives his life as his mentally ill mother, Norma...killing the bad women who stop at the motel to stay the night, because Norma has always instilled in him that women were bad. Creepy. 

10. I hate this damn dog. This is the reason why I will never own a dog. Leave it to Stephen King to take what is supposed to be man's best friend, and turn him into a murderous, disgusting, killer. Cujo gets rabies, then suddenly goes from friendly family pet, to a nasty, slobbering, dog, who stalks a woman and her son in her car. I always say, a gun would have taken care of Cujo, but then there wouldn't have been much of a movie.


So, there you have it, my top ten favorite scary movies. What's your favorite scary movie? 

Sleep Paralysis or something much more darker...

Have you ever had this happen to you? You're asleep, then suddenly, your body jumps...as if something jumps inside of you. You're jolted awake from the sudden force of whatever has invaded your body. You're completely frozen- you can't move or even talk?

This first happened to me when I was about 18 or 19. When I was in middle school, my family moved into this two-story home. My grandparents raised me from birth, I've never lived with my mother. We had a pretty big family, so moving to he bigger house was a good thing..at first. The house hadn't been lived in for a while before we moved in, so of course, we had to put a lot of work into it before we moved in...painting, cleaning. My grandma had assigned each of us a room to clean, so we could get done quicker. She gave me a bucket of water and Murphy's Oil Soap, and told me to clean the baseboards, so we could paint them later. Okay, no big deal. So, I go to my assigned room, get on my knees, and I'm scrubbing the baseboards. Suddenly, I felt the presence of someone standing behind me. I thought maybe my grandma had walked into the room, so I didn't bother to turn around, at first. But the presence stayed there. Nobody ever said anything, but I could feel someone standing over my shoulder. I wondered if it was my grandma, why she never said anything. Finally, I decided to turn around, only nobody was there. I thought that was strange, but I shrugged it off and went on.

After we finally got moved in weeks later, we were all sitting around the living room, just talking and watching tv. My two uncles were joking about the house being haunted, and said if we started hearing strange noises, it was probably the ghost of the old man who used to own the home, and who had apparently died in there. That got my immediate attention, as I've always believed that ghosts are real. The first thing I thought of was the feeling I'd had that day weeks before that someone was standing over my shoulder while I was scrubbing those baseboards. As time went on, I would always hear really strange noises around that house, especially at nighttime; but I never said anything, because I knew nobody would believe me, anyway.

The day this 'sleep paralysis' happened, scared the hell out of me. My grandma and I have always butted heads. I was a teenager, who was in college, but still living at home, had started dating a guy that she hated, and I often thought she was trying to control every aspect of my life, which caused us to not get along that well. I was lying across the bed one day, and I fell asleep. Suddenly, my body jumped, and my eyes opened. I could hear my grandma calling me for something, so I went to get up to go see what she wanted, only I couldn't move. I kept trying to get up from that bed, but it was like I was being held down by invisible men. I couldn't even open my mouth to answer her, but I could still hear her calling me, almost as if she were getting agitated that I wasn't answering her. To say I was scared because I didn't know what was wrong, would be an understatement. I felt like my body was being taken over by something evil, and I was powerless to do anything about it. After a minute or so, my body jerked again, and whatever it was, suddenly released me. I was able to get right up after that, and I quickly ran out of my room. I got to the living room to see what my grandma wanted, and as expected, she was mad....because she thought I'd been intentionally ignoring her. "Didn't you hear me calling you, girl?" she'd asked me. I wanted to tell her that I'd been trying to get up to come see what she wanted, but no way would she had believed me.

The second time it happened, was a few years ago. I'm now 37, and my husband (soon to be ex husband) had fallen asleep on the living room couch, and I was in bed in our room. My body jerked again, which was what woke me. It was pitch black in the room. I glanced at the clock, and it was after midnight. Even though this had happened before, I was even more scared this time. Again, I couldn't move or speak. In my mind, I was calling for my husband to come help me, but I couldn't speak. Again, I felt as if I was in the presence of something evil, and the only thing I could do then, was pray. I said a mental prayer, asking God to please protect me from whatever this was that kept bothering me. I repeated Jesus' name over and over, until my body jerked again, and the evil spirit left me alone.

Having had this happen to me twice, I decided to research it, to see if I could find some explanation for this, although in my heart I felt this was the devil sending his demons to overpower me. I came across the scientific explanation for whatever it was. It's called a sleep paralysis. The definition of a sleep paralysis is-  a temporary inability to move or speak that happens when you're waking up or, less commonly, falling asleep. Although you're awake, your body is briefly paralysed, after which you can move and speak as normal.

Even though this is supposedly a 'normal' thing that happens to many people, I still have a hard time believing this. If this was a normal thing, why does it only seem to go away when I call on Jesus' name to protect me. If this is typical, it wouldn't matter if I called on Jesus' name or not. I'm a firm believer that the devil is busy trying to destroy the world and everyone in it, and what better way to get into someone's mind than when they're sleeping. Several people I've talked to have had this happen to them, but we all pretty much feel the same- we're not buying the scientific explanation for it. This is something much more creepy, and just down right scary. To not have control over your own body, to not be able to move or speak, is terrifying. Have you ever had this happen to you? How did it make you feel? Do you believe the scientific explanation, or do you think it's something much more darker?

MagSwag: The November Issue of Ebony has a lot of people in their feelings...

The November issue of Ebony magazine has some people in their feelings. By now, we're all aware of the fifty or so women who have suddenly stepped into the public eye and announced that they were drugged, raped, and sexually assaulted by Bill Cosby- some of the incidents happened back in the day while he was playing America's favorite, seemingly perfect, tv-dad, Heathcliff Huxtable.

I, too, watched The Cosby Show as a kid, and while I did get a laugh out of Cliff and his antics, and the adorable Rudy and Budddd, I am not naive enough to think that fifty (and counting) women are ALL lying about this man, and the things he's being accused of. Okay, so Janice Dickinson and Beverly Johnson's allegations of being drugged and taken advantage of are a little questionable, but EVERYBODY is not lying.

Listen, Black people. I know we don't get very many positive role-models, and we're often not shown in a good light on television, especially these days. The Cosby Show was as close to perfection for us as we've ever gotten. For those of us who didn't come from families like The Cosby's, it gave us a glimmer of hope for the future- that we could be doctors and lawyers, and have beautiful, intelligent children who went on to HBCU's, and have great future's, rather than be doomed to forever living in the ghetto, struggling to keep our heads above water, as was portrayed in movies like Lean On Me, and tv sitcoms like Good Times. We all probably wanted a dad like Cliff Huxtable, and a mom like Claire. And while the rest of the cast had nothing to do with Bill Cosby's disgusting acts against women, and what they all did for television shouldn't be overshadowed by his scandal, Bill Cosby is not Cliff Huxtable. He is not a perfect man, or even a good man. He's a pig, who preyed on women, because he had the means and the power, and the money to do so and get away with it for so long.

I know that there are some of my people who, even though Bill admitted- under oath- that he did, in fact, use Quaaludes to drug women back in the day, still want to believe that he is innocent, and all  of these women coming forward are part of some smear campaign, orchestrated by someone with more money and/or power than he has, to take him down and tarnish his legacy. To those people I say, stop drinking the kool-aid. Even with the evidence in your faces, you still want to blame the women for coming forward now, rather than when it happened; you want to blame Ebony magazine for this cover, which shows that the perfect family image we had of Cliff Huxtable (a character played by Bill Cosby) has been shattered forever, rather than blame the person who is really responsible for his own demise...and that's Bill Cosby, himself. Y'all sound like those mom's whose son has been accused of a crime...even with clear evidence put in your faces, showing you that your beloved son did exactly what he's being accused of, you're still saying, "That's not my baby...he's innocent."

Learn to separate fact from fiction. Bill Cosby did, in fact, drug, grope, and sexually assault women...he admitted this...this is a fact. The Cosby Show- as beautifully choreographed as the opening dance numbers were, and as beautiful and classy as Claire Huxtable was; and Cliff Huxtable- as funny, smart, caring, and loving as he was- was fiction. That was tv land...this is the real world; and in the real world, sometimes people that we have put our faith, trust, and confidence in, do horrible things and let us down, even if we don't want to believe it. Ebony magazine did not ruin Bill Cosby's legacy with this cover, he did that all by himself...and no one should be blamed for that, but him.

#WriterWednesday October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month

Domestic Violence has always been taboo- that thing that happens, and people know it happens, but no one wants to talk about it, let alone admit they've fallen victim to it. I was one of those people. However, I'm no longer ashamed to admit that I have been in a domestic violence relationship. I don't consider myself a victim. I feel like the conqueror. The insecure men I was with, all tried to break me...to make me feel like my life was useless...but I'm happier than I've ever been, so I won.

I have to admit, I've been in more than one domestic violence relationship over the years. The first one, I was 17 years old, and had just graduated high school. My aunt had taken it upon herself to 'hook me up' with this guy, I'll call him "Mike" (names changed) she worked with. She showed me his photo, and while I wasn't initially interested in him- going off looks- I had recently ended a relationship with another guy, so I thought, "What the hell?" Big mistake. Whatever reservations I had about not wanting to get to know him, I should have stuck with that. He started off nice enough...even made me think that perhaps I had wrongfully judged a book by it's cover without actually reading it. While we were getting to know each other, he'd told me about his family life growing up, and it was quite sad. I remember feeling sorry for him, and also relating, seeing as how I didn't have the best relationship with my mom, either. As time went on, he'd say little things like, "Your jeans are too tight...they show off your butt too much...wear a longer shirt." He'd question EVERYTHING I did, or anybody I talked to. For instance, one day, we were at a gas station, and I ran into a male classmate of mine, who had always been a good buddy. I hugged him, and talked with him for a while. I was grilled the entire trip back home as to who he was, had I slept with him, why I'd hugged him? I began to realize that me talking to or being around other guys- even though it was just in a friendly way- was an issue for him. So, I'd watch how I talked to other boys, especially if he was around. Whenever he wasn't around, he'd ask 21 questions: Where was I? Who all was there? What did I wear? Who tried to talk to me? It was exhausting, honestly. We were hanging out one day, and I was going to run up the street to the store to get something to snack on. He was lying in bed, so I told him I'd go and come right back. He refused to let me go to the store, without him. After I kept telling him that I'd be right back, he got out of bed, grabbed his belt, tied one end around my waist, and the other to the bedpost. As I tried to get myself untied from the bed, he'd gotten dressed, and was ready to go to the store with me. I remember thinking, "Who does that? I was just going to the store, damn!"

As a teenager, I'll admit, I didn't take any of those things as seriously as I should have. Back then, it was like, "Aww, how cute...he's jealous." Now, at 37, I know that his behavior was far from cute. Very early on, he was displaying some unusual behavior. As time went on, things only got worse. We were in college together, and it was like a living hell, for me. He towered over me so much, I would literally try to hide from him, in any way that I could. Most of my friends and classmates knew what was happening at this point, and they would be on the lookout for me, too. It was nothing for me to come out of class and have someone posted up outside the classroom, waiting to tell me that they'd just spotted him, and I shouldn't go this way or that way, because I might run into him. He had a very negative attitude, and wasn't well-liked by most of the people we were in school with, so whenever he'd come in the room, everybody would get quiet...so quiet you could hear a pin drop. They all knew he was about to embarrass me, in some way or another...and he always did.

I stayed with him for over a year, but finally found the strength to call it quits right around the time things started getting physical. We'd had an argument, and he'd balled up his fist, while holding me against the wall, ready to strike...but luckily, someone walked into the room we were in. As my luck would have it, right as I'd finally broken things off with him, I found out I was pregnant with his child, which was funny, because I'd taken extra precautions to give him not one, but two condoms to use on the night my son was conceived...because the absolute LAST thing I wanted was a child by him, and to be stuck with him for at least 18 years. I love my now 16 year old son to death, and I wouldn't trade him for the world, so one good thing came from that relationship.

After that, it seems like I turned around and got with a guy who was 10 times worse than he was. I'll call him "D". We worked at the same job...that's how we met. Again, he started off being the nicest, kindest guy ever. And he was handsome....that was a bonus. I thought for sure I'd found a good guy. Unfortunately, he started displaying the same characteristics as "Mike". If I said anything to a guy, he was pissed. He acted like I was his property, and that he owned me. I was his, and if anybody -namely men- had anything to say to me, they had to go through him (he actually said that) Other things he said were, "If I didn't belong to him, he'd pimp me out to the other guys a work, because he was sure to get paid well...but I was his, and his only." I remember being so offended, like, "Did he just call me a whore?" I remember thinking that he'd tried to make me feel like I wasn't worth more than sex. He'd say things like, "Even though we don't work in the same department, I still have eyes on you..at all times." I would later find out that the "eyes" that were always on me, belonged to ONE of the chicks he was cheating on me with, who worked directly across from me. He had to know where I was, who I was with, what I had on...As had happened with "Mike", I was about to go grocery shopping one day, but before I could walk out the door, he looked at what I had on, told me my jeans were too tight, and to either put on a longer shirt, or change pants. If I 'stepped out of line', he didn't hesitate to humiliate and/or embarrass me, and remind me that he owned me. He waited until we had already gotten to know each other to mention to me that he'd been incarcerated before, I remember that after he told me that, and that it was because he'd taken someone's life, I couldn't deny it...he scared me.

He fed off of my obvious fear of him. He hated to see me laugh or smile, especially if another man was the reason I was smiling. He literally told me that he owned me, my heart, mind, and vajayjay...it all belonged to him, and that when he told me to do something, "don't think about it, just do it." As a headstrong Virgo, I just wasn't about to do that. I may have been scared of him, but I was never willing to let him have the type of control over me that he wanted. The small part of me that's stronger than I realize that I am, was like..."Boy, you have lost your damn mind. I think for myself, thank you very much." He'd often play these mind games, in an attempt to keep me in fear of him. For instance, we were headed to work one day. I was driving. Out of the blue, and in a tone as nonchalant as if he was talking about the weather, he said, "You know, it would be real easy for somebody to kill you one day." There was no emotion, but I detected a little humor in his voice as he said it. By that time, I knew he got off on having mind control over me, so I tried to remain calm as I asked, "Really? Why do you say that?" He went on to say that "I have the same routine- I go to work everyday at the same time...take the same route; it would be easy for someone to learn my schedule, and follow me." Point taken. I made sure to change my routes to and from work. I wasn't sure if that was supposed to had been a warning, but I wasn't taking chances.

Every time I turned around, I was accused of cheating on him, even though he was the one doing the cheating. The girl he'd had keeping a watch on me...the one he cheated on me with- well, him and her got into a fight- an actual fistfight- because she was tired of playing sideline chick, I guess. They were both fired from the job. Because he was no longer there to watch me like a hawk everyday, I was expected to call him the minute I went on break, or got off work. One night, I made the mistake of not calling him until several hours after I'd gotten off work...because I just didn't want to. When he found out that I'd been off for hours, he called me every degrading name under the sun, while accusing me of having just finished sleeping with another man, taking a shower, then calling him.(The words he used were much more vulgar and disgusting) I knew it wasn't true, but I let him think that. I turned my phone off, and went to bed. I woke up the next morning to fifty-eleven text messages and voicemails, all threatening to beat my ass, AFTER he sent his other women to jump me...all because he THOUGHT I'd cheated on him. I can remember actually being a little scared to leave the house that day. I mean, he had killed someone before...who knows what he was capable of. I didn't get jumped by his other women, but it was just another way for him to instill that fear in me, that at any given moment, someone would jump out from some dark corner and attack me.

As time went on, his verbal, mental, and emotional abuse finally became physical. I'd had enough of his lies, cheating,&  threats...I was over it. The final straw was when he'd changed his phone number and had began blocking my calls after he'd "borrowed" $1,500.00 from me, supposedly to get a car. Since I had figured out he was blocking my calls, I decided to go to his house. In hindsight, I realize now that no amount of money is worth losing your life over. For me, it wasn't even about him ignoring me after I gave him money...it was the cowardly way in which he was doing it. I'm a big girl. You don't want me, tell me that...and I'll gladly move on; but don't just drop me, without an explanation...and I wanted an explanation. Aside from that, I'd planned to tell him- FACE TO FACE- that I was done with him. I was tired of being his doormat. Needless to say, I almost didn't leave his house alive that day. We ended up in an argument...at first it was just verbal. I'm not a fighter...I'm not going to hit you, but this mouth...it's lethal when I'm mad. And I was beyond mad. So, I was saying every hurtful, below-the-belt thing I could think of. I obviously hit a nerve, because the next thing I know, he'd thrown me on the bed, wrapped his very strong hands around my throat, and was squeezing the life out of me. (Note to self: don't call a man a bitch-ass-ni**a...they don't like it; and certainly don't call them that a second time, after he's already told you that if you call him that again, y'all were going to fight)

I thought for sure my life was over. I was kicking and scratching at him, trying to pry his hands off my throat, but he was too strong. He wouldn't budge. In that moment, while he was sitting on top of me, a minute away from ending my life, I swear I saw the devil in his eyes. I started losing consciousness, everything was going black. I heard a voice say, "Stop trying to fight him, Joyce. The more you struggle with him, the madder he gets." God had sent his angels into that room to protect me, I truly believe that. That's the voice I heard. At that point, my arms had fallen limp to the side...I didn't have anymore fight in me, anyway. I was sure I was about to be gone...for good. It felt like, if you've ever been in the hospital for anything, and they put the drugs in the I.V., and you can slowly start to feel the affects of the drug as they start kicking in...you're almost in a relaxed state, then you're suddenly out cold. I started feeling an eerie calm as he continued squeezing my throat. I started thinking I wasn't going to get to see my babies grow up...but mostly, I just remember the calm feeling washing over me as darkness set in. Then, as I closed my eyes, and just waited, he suddenly stopped choking me, but he didn't get off of me. There were some people outside, and I could hear them talking. I had a thought that maybe if I could somehow scream or make some type of noise, to alert them to help me, I might be okay. It was like he was reading my mind, because he clamped his hands over my mouth and nose, making it impossible for me to breathe and said, "I promise, you'd better not f'ing scream."

I was at his mercy, so I didn't make a sound. I just wanted to get out of there. When he got up and left the room, I was both glad, and worried that he may have been going to get a weapon, or something. I looked towards the door, trying to figure out how fast I could run out of his room, and down the stairs, without breaking my neck. To my horror, he came back in the room before I could leave. He sat on the bed beside me. I was beyond scared, shaking, crying, tears and snot running down my face. Then, he did the craziest thing. He'd gone into the bathroom, gotten some tissue, and was now talking about, "Here, baby...let's clean your face off." WTF??!! I was thinking, "Fool, you just tried to kill me, now you're talking about helping me wipe my face." I knew I was dealing with a true psycho, at that point. He acted like nothing had even happened. Thank God, I left that room alive, but just like most abused women, I found myself calling him three days later. He'd somehow found a way to blame me for the whole thing...even complaining about how I scratched his chest up as he choked me. At least if he had killed me, his DNA would have been under my nails, because I wasn't going out without a fight.

It wouldn't be long, before we were right back arguing again. That time, I remember he threatened to hit me or something, and I told him that "while I hadn't called the police on him for the choking incident ( I should have) that if he ever put his hands on me again, he was going to jail." I'll never forget his next words, "If you ever call the police on me, you'd better leave town." I knew that he was trying to manipulate me again, so I told him "I wasn't scared of him, and I meant what I said." He responded, "Don't be scared of me, be scared of who I send for you." Throughout the relationship, he'd often made statements like that...that he wouldn't have to do anything to me, he had 'people' who would do it for him...more mind games and manipulation to keep me in check. After that, I told myself that I had to leave him alone. I changed my phone number, in an attempt to keep him from contacting me. A few months later, I was reading about him on the front page of the newspaper. Without going into full detail, the crimes he committed against yet, another woman- which included rape, arson, and kidnapping- earned him a 35 year prison sentence. His victims name was never mentioned in the paper,or on the news, but I felt like even though she had almost lost her life, she'd managed to get justice for all the women he had hurt, or would have hurt.

When I say God delivered his karma, fast....justice was swift. I knew "D" would always end up putting his hands on the wrong woman, and get himself into trouble. I felt like that was God's way of removing him from my life. But, you know, sometimes, we're hardheaded. I will admit, I wrote to him while he was in jail awaiting trial- he was considered a flight risk, I guess...either that or else he just couldn't post the bail. Why I corresponded with him, I have no idea. But, even after what he'd done to me, and what he was in jail for, I still couldn't bring myself to rub it in his face, tell him that's what he deserved, like most women probably would have done. As a Criminal Justice major, I believe everyone is innocent until proven guilty, which is why I wrote him letters often, and even accepted his calls, and sent him books and things for him to read when he asked me to. What I've learned about most predators, is that no matter how good someone tries to be to them, the evilness and hatred that's inside them, won't let them appreciate it. He'd often call me, going off on me about something or another anytime he was having a bad day, with his cellmates in the background laughing, at my expense as he called me all kinds of names. Me- the main person who should have treated him like crap- was the person he still dogged out, any chance that he could. I'm a nice person.. sometimes, too nice. But, even I can and will only take so much. I felt like I was serving his time in jail while he was awaiting trial with him, and this was how he treated me? I don't think so, not that time. Those were the last words I told him. Soon after that, they had his trial, and he was found guilty....of everything. Being accused is one thing...being convicted and found guilty, was a whole other thing. Knowing that he had, in fact, did all those horrible things to another woman...there was no way I wanted anything to do with him. The final letter that I wrote him basically said to lose my number, forget he knew me, because I definitely planned to forget him, and to have a nice life.

I've often been told that I'm "too nice for my own good" sometimes, and for the longest, I didn't know what people meant when they said that. How can anybody be too nice? Dealing with my exes, I now know what those people meant. I try to see the good in people, even when they've showed me- time and time again- that there is no good in them. I knew that "D" had had a rough life, and I somehow thought that if I proved to him that not everybody was out to get him, or hurt him, I could somehow change him. I know now, I was wasting my time, and slowly taking steps, closer and closer to an early death, by continuing to deal with him. For the longest time, I never told anybody what had happened to me. I hate being pitied,or felt sorry for. I knew I never should have stayed with him in the first place. I accepted my responsibility in the whole thing- which was staying with these men after I saw within a few weeks into the relationship what  violent tempers, jealousy, and control issues they had...letting them have so much control over me, as if they owned me...I let them do all of that...they were doing what I let them do.

Love is not supposed to hurt. It's not supposed to make you fearful or scared of the person who's claiming to love you. Ladies, please know the signs, and don't ignore those signs when you see them. Don't write it off as being "cute that he's jealous", or thinking that "he really must love you if he's so controlling and over-protective of you"...that's not love, that's the beginning signs of abuse. Abusers get inside your head, first. They will try to make you think nobody but them cares about you, or has your best interest at heart. They have to gain your trust, and make you totally dependent on them, and them only. Next comes the isolation. They will convince you that everyone around you- both male and female- have a hidden agenda. In my case, "D" told me that other men at work only wanted me for sex, and that my female co-workers all tried to get with him behind my back, all the while smiling in my face. By doing that, he'd found a way to make me not trust anybody, but him. Other signs are listed on the chart below.

As soon as you start to see these traits, RUN!!! Sticking around trying to second-guess yourself, and trying to figure out his behavior, or make excuses for it, may just cost you your life. 

Giving a serious side-eye to Cosmo Magazine

I - along with the majority of the people in the world who are not brainwashed into thinking the Kardashians are anything more than over-rated, irritating, famous-for-no-damn-reason, women, who all have invested in way too much plastic surgery- am both amused and appalled at the fact that Cosmo magazine has foolishly named them as America's First Family in the November issue. The First Family of non-Black women who love weak minded Black men, maybe..but that's about it. I see Kris Jenner (the pimptress) and her whores (her daughters) who she sells to the highest African-American male bidders. 

Listen, Cosmo Mag, just because you and their fans worship the ground these beautiful, yet terribly thoughtless and clueless women walk on, does not make them America's First Family. No, that title goes to the REAL First Family- President & First Lady Obama, and their two gorgeous, educated, respectful daughters, Sasha & Malia. Regardless of how much Conservative's (and there are obviously several of them who work for Cosmo) hate this man and his beautiful, classy wife...they are America's First Family. Kris Jenner and her minions are only famous for lying on their backs with Black men  rich Black men, specifically athletes and mediocre rappers (yeah I said it) 

                                                                                                         

To even give the Kardashian clique this title is both ignorant, and disrespectful. You people who eat, sleep, and breathe the Kartrashians can think they are worthy of this title if you want. The rest of us know better. Cosmo, y'all tried it, forreal. 

Sample Sunday The Hookup

Sample Sunday

Excerpt from

The Hookup:

Around 10:00, Jada’s phone vibrated. She looked at the screen and groaned inwardly when she saw that it was Brice texting her. Rather than respond to him, she put the phone back down on the coffee table and snuggled up closer to Todd.

“Who was that?” Todd asked.

“Toni,” Jada lied. “She probably wants to brag about something her husband has done, again. I’ll talk to her later. Right now, I’m enjoying finally spending time with you.” She leaned up and gave him a sensual kiss on the lips. 

Once the movie ended, Todd excused himself to the bathroom, while Jada got up to put another dvd in. She heard her phone vibrate again. She grabbed her phone and looked at the screen. It was Brice again asking if she wanted some company. She quickly texted him that she wasn’t able to talk right now, and would have to talk to him later. She’d just been about to press send, when Todd walked back in the living room. She quickly put the phone back down, forgetting about Brice or sending the message.

“So, what are we watching now?” he asked.

“Get On Up,” Jada told him.

“That the movie about James Brown?”

“Yep, that’s the one.”

“Cool. James was the man. My mama loved her some James Brown,” Todd said with sadness in his eyes. He blinked several times, fighting back the tears that were threatening to fall down his face.

Jada hugged him. Todd always got sentimental when he mentioned his mom. 

“I’m good, baby,” he said, kissing her on the cheek. “You’re the only person I’ve ever let see me get all emotional. Real men don’t cry.”

“There’s nothing wrong with a man crying. It just makes you human.”

They got comfortable on the couch, snuggled up, and watched the movie, or at least attempted to watch it. Todd was feeling a little frisky, and his hands kept roaming up her thigh underneath the blanket that was spread over their laps. 

“What are you doing?” Jada asked him with an amused look on her face.

“We can watch this movie later, babe; I’m horny,” Todd said leaning over to kiss her as his hand moved between her legs. Jada tried to play hard to get, pretending that she was really into the movie, but she did open her legs just a little wider so his fingers had more room to roam.

Just as she’d decided to stop acting like she wasn’t all hot and bothered too, and was about to give in and give Todd what he wanted, the doorbell rang.

She and Todd looked at each other. She almost never had company, unless it was Todd, but he was already here. 

“Who’s ringing your doorbell this time of the night?” Todd asked as he got up to go answer the door.

Jada shrugged. She had no idea, but she was soon about to find out. 

***

Jada’s heart nearly stopped when she heard Brice’s voice, asking if she was home. She could only imagine the angry look on Todd’s face right now.

Without waiting for Todd to invite him in, Brice walked past him, straight into the living room. It didn’t get by Todd that whoever this dude was, he seemed to know his way around Jada’s crib.

“Jada, who the hell is this?” Todd asked her.

Jada looked back and forth between the two men. She had no idea what to say. She thought about using the ‘Oh, that’s my cousin’ excuse- like men usually did- but she knew Todd wouldn’t buy that.

“Brice, what are you doing here?” she asked, not bothering to hide the annoyance she felt in her voice. She’d already told him earlier that she didn’t think it was a good idea for them to see each other again.

“I texted you a couple of times earlier, but you didn’t answer. I guess I see why, now,” he said looking over at Todd, who looked like he wanted to punch his lights out.

“I thought you said that was your sister texting you?” Todd interrupted.

“I-I…ummm,” Jada stuttered. She literally had no idea what to say right now.

“Look, I didn’t mean to interrupt you guy’s night. I just dropped by to see if you found that earring that we dropped under your bed last night,” Brice said looking Jada squarely in the face, putting slight emphasis on the word, we. 

Jada couldn’t believe Brice’s boldness. Putting her on blast like that was wrong on so many levels…and so unnecessary. She looked at Todd again. If looks could kill, both she and Brice would be dead.

“What the hell?” Todd yelled. “Who is this dude, and what earring is he talking about, Jada?”

Jada felt a migraine coming on. The night was not supposed to be ending like this. She wanted to kill Brice for just coming over unannounced like this, then having the nerve to mention that he’d been there the night before.

“No. I haven’t had a chance to look for it,” she mumbled. She felt nauseous, like that pizza she’d just ate would come rushing up her esophagus any minute now.

“I’ll just go look for it real quick and then I’ll be out of y’all way,” 
Brice said, turning and walking in the direction of her bedroom.

For the second time, Todd noticed that Brice knew exactly where he was going in Jada’s house. He stared at her in the face, waiting for an explanation. He noticed that Jada looked everywhere but at him.

“Jada, you’d better start talking, right now,” Todd yelled. “Who the hell is that man in your bedroom looking for an earring that y’all dropped under your bed last night?”

“Todd, calm down; it’s not even like that,” Jada attempted to explain.

“Then tell me what it’s like; because from where I’m standing, it looks like you have something going on with him. Is he the guy you went to the movies with earlier?”

Just then, Brice came back into the living room. “Found it,” he said holding the diamond stud up.

“Great! Now, could you please leave?” Jada asked while clenching her teeth.

“Jada, are you okay? Did I do something to make you mad?” Brice asked.

“Just go, Brice,” she said.

“Well, can I call you later? Maybe we can go out again?”

“No, you can’t call me; and I already told you we won’t be going out again, either.”

“Wow!” Brice said. “Okay then, I guess I’ll be out. Again, I’m sorry for disturbing you.” Brice turned and let himself out, while Todd stared stone-faced at Jada.

“Did you sleep with him?” Todd asked her.

“No, I didn’t,” Jada said. 

“How did his earring get under your bed, then?”

Jada knew that nothing she said would help this situation right now. “He did sleep here last night, but we didn’t have sex.”

Todd was unusually quiet and calm as he stared at her. He said nothing for several minutes, nor did Jada. After she couldn’t take the silence anymore, Jada spoke first.

“Todd, please say something.”

“What exactly do you want me to say, Jada? I come over here, trying to fix things between us, then some random guy shows up at your door late at night, asking about his earring. Why was he even in your bedroom in the first place?”

Jada looked down at the floor in shame. Telling Todd that she’d almost had sex with Brice was sure to hurt him, but what else could she say? 

“You can’t even look at me,” Todd said. Jada could hear the hurt in his voice.

“I didn’t have sex with him, Todd.”

“But he was in your bedroom, right?”

She shook her head yes.

“Doing what?”

She had no choice but to come clean. She took a deep breath before she spoke. “After I found out that you’d blocked my calls, then I went to your place and saw that girl there, I was hurt to the core. So, I told myself that I wanted you to feel the same hurt that I’d felt. I was going to find some random guy and sleep with him, just to get back at you. I met Brice at a car wash while I was cleaning my car up. We got to talking and exchanged numbers. He called last night and we went out to dinner and dancing. Afterwards, we came back to my place.”

Jada could almost see the steam coming out of Todd’s ears and his nostrils were flaring. She was honestly afraid to tell him the rest, but she felt she might as well confess everything. If she told him the truth, maybe he’d forgive her.

“Did you have sex with him?” Todd asked again.

“No! We didn’t have sex but…”

“But, what?”

Jada took another deep breath. “We almost did. We were kissing, then one thing led to the next and we were in my bedroom. But I promise you, I told him I couldn’t go through with having sex with him, Todd. I was with him, but all I could think about was you. I missed you so much. He said he understood and was going to leave, but I asked him to stay and just hold me, because I didn’t want to be alone. He took his earrings off and put them on the nightstand, but one fell on the floor, under the bed. I promise you, that’s exactly what happened.”

Rather than respond to her confession, Todd grabbed his keys off the key ring on the wall and left, slamming the front door behind him. 

Jada wanted to run after him, but she knew he needed his space. She sat on the couch and held her head in her hands. She was always accusing Todd of cheating, but she was no better than he was, right now. She called Todd, but her call went to voicemail after the first ring. She knew that he was deliberately ignoring her, and probably wouldn’t have anything to say to her tonight. She turned the tv off and went into her bedroom, where she curled up in the bed and cried herself to sleep...

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http://www.amazon.com/Hookup-J-L-Sapphire-ebook/dp/B0142ZWHAY