5 Reasons To Wait Until Your 30's To Jump The Broom

I can remember as a teenager, saying I can't wait to get out of high school, get married, and live happily ever after with my husband. I was in love with the idea of love. However, I've grown up and have experienced & learned a lot about love and relationships since then. One of the most important things I've learned is that love don't love nobody. What I'm saying is, it all looks good and sounds nice...in the beginning. As young women, we fantasize about putting on a beautiful white (or off-white for some of us, don't judge) and walking down the aisle towards our knight in shining armor. As a 36 year old woman, I know now that my fantasies and actually being married in real life, are as different as night and day. Had I ran off and gotten married in my 20's, I'm sure I'd be a divorcee by now. I'm not against marriage, hell I AM married. But I would tell any young woman under the age of thirty to not get caught up in the fantasy of it all and wait. And below are a few reasons for doing so.

1. You haven't experienced anything in life yet. Tying yourself down to a man straight out of high school or college is a very bad idea. You've only recently left the comfort and security of your parents home. You haven't learned what it's like to be independent, rather you become DEPENDENT on someone else to take care of you. One of the greatest feelings for me when I was a single twenty-something was knowing that I didn't have to have a man around.The damsel in distress thing is okay sometimes, but you need to know how to be alone and not feel totally helpless. 

2.  Neither of you are financially stable. Most twenty something's are only recently graduating college, and haven't had the chance to become financially stable. Unless you know somebody, who knows somebody, you have no real work experience, thus making it harder to get a good job. You're still transitioning from college life or just leaving the comfort of your parents house, and haven't learned that recreation and shopping at the mall now has to take a backseat to paying bills and taking care of your home. Money is one of the main reasons for many marriages being torn apart. 

3. You'll be more tempted to cheat. You're not ready to be sexually tied down to one man yet. Infidelity is another one of the main factors as to why marriages don't work, even for older couples. In your 20's, settling down while you're that young is just asking for trouble down the line, because eventually you're going to come across someone of the opposite sex who appeals to you and be tempted to cheat, especially if you haven't really learned to control those sexual urges...which most young people can't. You'll be ready to go out and get buckwild in your thirties, which will make it harder to be looked at as marriage material. Don't sleep around...that's not what I'm saying. Wait, I take that back- that's exactly what I'm saying. Allow yourself time to get all the sexual experimentation out of the way BEFORE you say I Do so you won't be tempted to step outside your marriage and experiment later on.  

4. Resentment. Due to the lack of experience and money, one or both of your hopes, dreams and goals for the future fly out the window.This leads to arguments and silent resentment of your spouse, especially if one of you did manage to go out and live out your dreams while the other had to put theirs on hold for the sake of the family/marriage. You'll become content with how things are, but you'll never be truly happy. 

5. You'll always wonder, what if. You might miss finding your real soulmate because you settled down too soon. It's easy to think that you'll be together forever when you're in your twenties. You don't know who else is out there, and eventually you're going to start to wonder, what if? What if I chose the wrong mate and the next guy is better suited for me. At that age, you're still trying to figure out what you like and don't like, so it's important not to jump on the first guy you think you're in love with.

I know that the many wedding shows on tv make marriage seem like it's the greatest thing ever, and it can be sometimes. I know that having a flashy wedding seems exciting and fun, but that wedding is just one day. It's all the days after that, that mean something. Looking back, I realize that the 20's are for having fun, finding yourself, making stupid mistakes that hopefully, you will have learned from by the time you turn 30, not for being a married woman. One last thing, as much money as it costs to have that elaborate wedding, it can cost just as much to pay for a divorce, sometimes more. So take your time, enjoy your twenties while you still have them. There really should be no rush to take such a huge step, but if you must...good luck. You'll need it! 

#Marriage #JumpingTheBroom #Relationships 

#MagSwag Wendy Williams is a vision in white on the cover of Ebony

YOU BETTER WERK MS. WENDY!!!
My favorite talk show host is 50, fabulous, and looking like a black angel (in my Phaeda Parks voice) on the cover of the May issue of Ebony magazine. The controversial radio show hostess turned successful talk show host is elegant in all white everything, and I have never seen her wig look better. Her wardrobe, make-up, and hair stylists all deserve raises for this well put together look. 

Wendy can be a little crass sometimes, and she's made her living being a professional gossiper. She's known for telling women to find a rich man and trap him with a baby, or calling people less than smart, and sometimes even I roll my eyes at her unsolicited advice, but I have to give props when they are do and she is killing it on this cover.

In this issue, Wendy talks about her relationships with her two Kevin's (husband and son) as well as something we have in common-being a proud homebody. The issue also discusses how other successful mom's balance work and family and if requiring police officers to wear body cameras is a good idea or not. Personally, I don't think it'll matter one bit if dirty cops are caught on tape murdering unarmed black men..it'll always be their words against the deceased victims', but I'd be very interested in reading that article. I haven't brought a magazine in a while, because these days, everything is put on social media, but I just might have to purchase this one. 

The issue hits newsstands this Friday, 4/24

#MagSwag People Magazine names Sandra Bullock World's Most Beautiful Woman

In the latest issue of People magazine, Sandra Bullock is named the Most Beautiful Woman in the World. By whose standards, exactly? 

While I do think she's pretty and I sort of like some of her movies, I don't see her as the most beautiful woman in the world. She's not even the prettiest white woman in Hollyweird, I mean Hollywood! 

I'm not sure what the criteria is for earning this title, but I have to disagree with this decision. When I see Sandra, I think more, cute girl-next-door, not beautiful or drop-dead gorgeous, though. Even on this cover, she just looks rather plain Jane-ish! Was Charlize Theron, not in the running? Or maybe she's already had her turn, IDK. Either way, congrats to Sandra. 

BOOK REVIEW: Wreckless (Lunch Break Series) by Stephanie Nicole Norris

I came across this book a few days ago while browsing the #FreeBlackKindleEBooks page on Facebook. What drew me in was the Lunch Break Series...letting me know it was a short story. I'm usually so busy with work, taking care of the kids, writing my own books, and everything else, that I rarely have time to sit down and read a full length novel. For those reasons, I've been reading a lot more short stories than usual. I'm so glad I came across this one, because it was pure entertainment from the first page.

Blurb:

Publication Date: December 30, 2013

Publisher: Love is a Drug, Ink

Jasmine Johnson wants nothing more than to be swept off her feet by classmate and cutie Maurice Desmon Jones. Everything about him, from his obvious confidence to his charisma, makes her melt like ice cream on a sundae cone.

One day, someone threatens to challenge her for his affection and Jasmine goes into a jealous rage, unable to control her emotions. Obsession sends her over the edge and there is no turning back. In the eye of a brewing storm, she has to come up with a clever way to get out of the catastrophe she has created and she won’t give up, even if she has to die trying.

Review:

Talk about a crime of Passion!!! I wasn't expecting this story to be what it was, but I wasn't disappointed. Jasmine had a huge crush on Maurice, and became enraged when she walked in on her roommate, Teresa in bed with him. The story just gets all out of control from there. Lies, a murder, a cover-up... I felt as if I were watching a Lifetime movie. Jasmine totally lost it and was just a complete nutcase, willing to get rid of anybody who got in her way, all in the name of love. I was rooting for Saundra the entire time, and literally held my breath more than a few times because every time it looked like the story would go in one direction, something else would happen.I loved that this book was straight and to the point, without all the extra fluffiness, in an attempt to make the story longer, like some authors tend to do. There were a few errors, but nothing that took away from the story. Bravo to this author for capturing my attention and taking me on a wild ride in less than 70 pages!!

Rating:

#BookReview #StephanieNicoleNorris #LoveIsADrugInk 

*Snippet* The Head Mistress :The Meeting

Ebony

I watched Terrence- the newest member to be accepted into The Basement- for several moments as he discreetly eyed the scantily clad women milling around the room. I know he’s new here, because I am the sole owner of The Basement- an underground lounge that I’d opened two years ago after the untimely death of my late husband, Robert.

I, and I alone, approved the requests and applications of every man who wished to enter my private establishment, but getting inside is far from easy. I’m very strict about the men I choose to do business with, and not just any old horny thug off the streets is allowed in here. The men I do business with inside these four walls are prominent politicians, police officers, doctors, professors, and even a few are judges. All members must go through an extensive phone and email interview process with me, before they get the privilege of knowing what goes on after hours inside Ebony’s- the soul food restaurant that I run upstairs during regular business hours, here in the Windy City. 

Before I go any further, let me tell you a little about myself. I am Head Mistress Ebony Williams. Some people also refer to me as Madame Ebony. In addition to running my successful restaurant during the day, I also run a secret society sex club- a brothel, you could say, at night. Most women would turn their noses up at me if they knew I was in the business of prostitution, which is why other than the women I’ve hired to service my prestigious clients, only men are allowed through the kitchen and down the stairs of my restaurant. Exchanging sexual favors for money is the world’s oldest profession, and men do it everyday. And I’m a firm believer that anything men can do, women can do better. 

Aside from having to be wealthy, there is one other requirement my clients must meet- they must be married. I like to refer to The Basement as a single married men’s club.

The men who frequent my lounge are stuck in boring marriages with their wives, who usually hold all the power in their marriages. Almost all of my clients only married their women for personal gain or social status, and she knew it. Their wives were all about keeping up appearances in public, but in private, they were self-absorbed prudes- both in and out of the bedroom. 

My clients have sexual fetishes that their spouses aren’t interested in or willing to engage them in; these guys long for exciting, wild, passionate sex. Cruising the streets looking for hookers is out of the question, since not only would their wives leave them if they found out, they would lose their jobs, and the public shame and embarrassment would be too much to bare. They simply can’t take chances on some fool with a camera taking photos of them and selling them to the highest bidder. In a nutshell, they have a lot to lose.

That’s where I come in. I provide a private environment for these men to come and get their freak on with one of my girls. Here, they can have all the hot, filthy, freaky, pornographic sex they want, then go home to their boring wives, most of whom are totally clueless. The one’s who do know or suspect that their husbands are cheating, usually don’t care, as long as he keeps up the facade that they have the perfect marriage in public. 

Currently, I have twenty girls- who are called mistresses- working for me, all of which have been carefully chosen and are under a contract that says they can’t discuss anything about my private club, beyond these four walls. I have only the best girls working here, some of which have been flown in from foreign countries. Not only are they all extremely beautiful, they are all down for any and everything when it comes to sex. After all, the men who are lucky enough to gain access into my forbidden world, are only here to have their sexual fantasies fulfilled…to get what they don’t get at home. And they are all willing to pay thousands of dollars to have their way with one of my beauties, in as many positions, and for as long as he wants to. I’ve instructed my girls to set a base price of $2,000.00 upfront- of which I get half; but they are more than willing to negotiate with their perspective clients on a higher price, depending on what he wants her to do, as long as I get half of whatever she brings in. 

I’m usually in my office, keeping an eye on everything, by watching the expensive video monitors I’d had installed, but right now, I’m sitting on a chaise lounge in the middle of the room on a raised platform. Unhappily married men and their chosen sex workers, are milling around me. Sexual activity is allowed in any area of the club, either out in the open, or in one of the five private rooms down the narrow, dark hallway. 

I sip on a glass of red wine as I watch Terrence Stanford fidget with the wedding band on his left hand. He’s nervous, which is normal for new members, but I can tell he’s a bonafide freak…he just needs the right woman to bring it out of him. He’s tall, dark, and boyishly handsome. Normally, I don’t interact with my clients, other than an obligatory hello or thanks for coming, when they’re leaving; but there’s something about Terrence that has me intrigued. It could be, because he reminds me so much of my late husband, Robert. He has the same full lips, tapered haircut, and goatee that Robert had. Immediately, I began to wonder if the package between his legs is as big as Robert’s had been. 

For some reason unknown, I got a little jealous as I watched him interact with Angel- a dark 

haired, exotic, Puerto Rican beauty who’d just walked over and sat on the barstool next to him. I decided that I wanted to find out what he was working with for myself. Right then and there, I told myself that Terrence was going to be mine, and I needed to claim my property before he got too engaged with Angel. According to several of my clients, she was the biggest freak of all my girls, and she had these men speaking in tongues while she gave them the best head that money could buy. She was usually requested by several men on the same night, and I had to auction her to the highest bidder. Once, I’d had a man pay $10,000.00 to spend the night with her, that’s how good she was at what she did.

I like to get my vajayjay licked, every now and then; but these days, I’m more about getting my money, than I am getting an orgasm. However, all the money in the world can’t hold me, kiss me, or make my kitty purr when I get horny, like I am right now. Forget about a spark, Terrence had ignited a blazing flame inside my thong, and he didn’t even know it. He’d only recently been approved for access into The Basement about a week ago; however, this wasn’t his first night here. He’d visited twice before- once last Tuesday, and again the next night- but other than sip on a drink while casually flirting with a few girls, he hadn’t slept with any of them. 

According to what he’d told me during his first phone interview, he was a college professor- he taught Psychology at Chicago State University. Also, he’d been married to his high school sweetheart, Crystal, for two years. His wife’s father was a judge, and her mother, a retired teacher. Crystal was studying to become a pediatrician and rarely had time for him because she was always at school or studying, which meant she rarely had time to screw him. Needless to say, their marriage had become sexless and boring. He’d been tempted to cheat a few times with a couple of his students who’d been willing to exchange sex for a passing grade, but something had always stopped him. When I’d asked how he’d come to know about me and this establishment, he told me that he had a buddy- a police officer- who was a member, and he’d briefly mentioned it to him. 

I tossed back the remainder of my wine, then got up and made my way over to the bar where he was. I gently touched Angel on the shoulder. 

“Angel, see that gentleman over there?” I pointed to a handsome man at the other end of the bar. “He’d like to speak with you for a moment,” I told her. 

She immediately got the message- that I wanted Terrence for myself- and she got up and headed in the direction that I’d pointed her in.

“Hello, Terrence…enjoying yourself?” I asked taking the seat Angel had just vacated.

“Uh…y-yes,” he stuttered.

I laughed. “You’re not acting like it; why are you so nervous?”

He shrugged. “I’ve never been to a place like this.” 

BOOK REVIEW: Buttercream Bump Off by Jenn McKinlay

Anyone who really knows me, knows that I am totally addicted to cupcakes. Seriously, I think  I need therapy. So, while browsing the shelves in the library for something interesting to read, the cupcakes on  the cover of this cozy mystery caught my eye. 

Blurb: Publication Date: January 4, 2011

Melanie Cooper and Angie DeLaura's Fairy Tale Cupcakes bakery is gearing up for Valentine's Day. Unfortunately someone has iced Baxter Malloy on his first date with Mel's mother. Now Mom's a suspect, and Mel and Angie need to find time around frosting to dig into the man's shady past and discover who served him his just desserts.

Review:

This book had everything I look for in a cozy mystery: cupcakes, mystery, and a touch of romance. It took me inside the selfish, and often embellished lives of the rich and famous.I loved the wit and sarcastic humor between the main characters- Mel, Angie, and Tat- almost as much as I loved the recipes of the cupcakes being made throughout the book. The couples cupcake baking class is definitely something I could see myself convincing my husband to attend. I was able to figure out who the killer was about half-way through the story, but still enjoyed reading it through until the end to see  how everything played out. I was really hoping that Angie and Tate would work things out, but who knows...stranger things have happened. I don't want to include too many spoilers, but overall I thoroughly enjoyed reading this book, and would love to read the rest of the series.

Rating:

Cyber Bullying

I was watching The Steve Harvey Show a few minutes ago, and a very interesting subject was being discussed, which got me to thinking- does sharing things about your personal life online automatically mean you've put yourself out there for the world to criticize you if they see fit? 

In a segment on the show, Kyra, the mother of two year old Mariah Anderson, was extremely upset because a photo that she had shared of her daughter- who suffers from a disorder that affects her chromosomes- on her second birthday was being used to provide jokes and laughs, at her baby's expense. When she posted the photos, Kyra was especially happy because she wasn't sure how much longer her child would live. What was meant to be celebrated, became hurtful after she realized the photos she posted were being circulated on social media and were being made fun of in the form of memes. Now, this photo in particular, I saw it, but I never re-posted, shared, or commented on it, because even though I personally think baby Mariah is adorable, I saw all the jokes and negative comments being made and thought, 'I'm not going to join in on the laughter and jokes!' because I could tell she was obviously suffering from some form of sickness, even though I didn't know that at the time. Now let me make this clear, I'm not a saint, nor have I ever claimed to be one. I am a natural giggle box- meaning I laugh at just about any and everything...IF it's funny. However, I didn't find the jokes and comments being made about this baby funny at all. I won't re-post her photo here, because the mother and her child have suffered enough from the photos continuously being circulated on the internet, but if you want to read the story, here's the link to the segment: http://www.steveharveytv.com/a-parents-horrifying-story-of-cyber-bullying-over-their-two-year-old-daughters-photo/

A few days after I first saw the pic on Facebook, I came across a news story where Kyra was upset because she'd found out that the photos she'd shared of her baby were being made fun of, and she was asking people to delete the pics and memes being made. Naturally, there were some people who still felt the need to talk trash, saying "She should have never posted the photos in the first place if she didn't want public scrutiny." Even after seeing that their hateful words and pics hurt this mother, they still continued to do it. 

That's one of the biggest problems with social media- it's a platform for bullies and cowards to say what they want, because they will more than likely never meet the person being made fun of, so there will be no consequences. It's no different than celebrities, or even authors. When I first started writing, one of my biggest setbacks was the negativity that I knew was sure to come with putting my work out there for the world to read. As good as I think my books are, I knew that not everybody would agree. The first time I read a negative review, I almost let it discourage me into never writing again, but then I thought, who cares what these haters think. Could they commit themselves to sitting down for days, hours, and sometimes months at a time to write a book? Nope, because they're too busy scrolling on social media, hating on the people that do. 

A long time ago, someone told me, "Everybody is not going to like you, and you just have to be okay with that." That's the same thing that applies with social media. Just because you post things that you're proud of, doesn't mean other's will share your enthusiasm. Luckily, I've learned to tell people what they can do with themselves if they have an issue with what I post, and I move on. Like Steve told Kyra, "You have to take things with a grain of salt and just tell people to kiss your ass, sometimes; because most of the time, when people go out of their way to be hurtful, hateful, and negative, it has absolutely nothing to do with you." It's so easy to sit behind a laptop or smart phone and criticize the next person, because they have nothing else going for themselves, so they hate on a person who does. 

Looking at how sad and upset Kyra was as she talked about the hurtful things she had to read about her baby, was heartbreaking. Unfortunately, most people won't care. In fact, it will only make them come at her ever harder. If you let a bully know they've hurt you, you've given them more ammunition to keep coming after you.  We live in a cold, cruel world, where compassion and empathy has all but disappeared. And social media only makes matters such as these worse. Some people seem to think that if you don't want to be criticized, you should keep your personal life to yourself and off the internet. Do you agree with this? Does sharing things about your private life automatically mean that you've opened your door and invited the haters to step inside your world and pick it apart, piece by piece? Would love to hear thoughts!